The Grammy Awards is a… prestigious musical award ceremony for only the… best musical performers of the previous year.
Okay, fuck that. The Grammys are designed for a circlejerk of the most played pop artists, giving them a chance to cry on TV while they hold their little gold statuette and say bad things about Republicans for a few hours.
Apparently that whinging chubby girl Adele won just too many awards for fans of Beyonce. I say “fans” very lightly, because most of them only care about her because she’s non-white and has more money than you, me, and 500 of our closest friends will ever be close enough to get slightly aroused by. This is only a story, and one that I even heard about, because apparently the British warbler broke her award in two pieces because she thought Beyonce’s dick wasn’t wet enough this year. Apparently, being, and I type this with gritted teeth despite it doing absolutely nothing to my fingers, “talented”, Adele simply doesn’t deserve so much respect when there’s a WOC that needs another vacation home!
Never mind that there are actually talented black singers out there who will never get a so much as a community choice award from their local fairground because everyone wants to fellate Beyonce until they run out of air. Forget that there are career musicians who have sacrificed health, love, and even friendships over several decades of hard work to get where they are that will never even be nominated for an “Album of the Year” award.
Black Sabbath, Iron Maiden and Judas Priest have all won at least one Grammy award. Black Sabbath has won two of them. For “Best Metal Performance”. In other words, they weren’t mainstream enough to get an actual award, so the Grammy folks just handed them the equivalent of a participation trophy. “You tried” they seem to snark as they hand out, after an average of something like 40 years of hard work from these bands, a half-assed award.
Never mind that Rob Halford alone has more vocal range, emotional depth, and power than Adele, Beyonce and whatever that asian kid who sang “She Bang” on that singing show have combined. Forget the fact that Queen, you know, that band that basically made a soundtrack to 1980s movies you loved, only got a posthumous “Lifetime Achievement” award in 2004 and a “Hall of Fame” award in 2009.
This is about race and gender, after all. Rob Halford? White male. Bruce Dickinson? White male. OZZY OSBOURNE?! WH- the fuck is he anyway? Adele is a chubby white girl from England, and doesn’t deserve the respect of… chubby white girls. Yeah, that’s probably the primary audience of these awards, but who cares? We need an empowered WoC who could buy your hometown and pave it off the residuals from her last album getting recognized for her hard work whining into a microphone for producers to later make gold out of.
The Grammy Awards has never been for recognizing great achievements in musical talent. Garth Brooks has won. TWICE. That should say something. Korn has won the “best metal performance” award. Metallica has won it 6 fucking times. I like Metallica! I like Slayer too! They’ve both won more than once! You know who hasn’t won? Motherfucking Dio.
Actually, that’s only partially true. Tenacious D, a couple of hilarious bastards who clearly really love metal, won “best metal performance” for a cover of “The Last in Line” by, you guessed it, Dio. The man himself couldn’t be recognized for the award despite being one of the oldest metal performers, but a comedy duo doing a cover of his song can win. This will will not be the last time I say this: Fuck the Grammys.
The more I explored this, the more I wanted to bang heads, and I don’t mean rock out at a show. To be clear, I mean forcibly introduce people’s skulls to hard objects. Anyone who knows me should realize I disagree vehemently with the idea of introducing Tool, Slipknot, Deftones, Nine Inch Nails, Soundgarden, and motherfucking Rage Against the Machine as winners of this category. I like Tool, NIN and Soundgarden, a lot, but they are simply not metal.
I’d extrapolate further about the fact that some great people actually did get awarded with this feel-good horseshit, like Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson (holy SHIT Willie Nelson) and… Ha. Haha. HAHAHAHAHAHA. Okay, They Might Be Giants got the award for “best musical album for children” in 2009. The thing is, it’s incredibly disproportionate.
Someone who has been recording for, well, 20 years if you include Destiny’s Child, gets only two awards this year, and it’s racism. I’ll give that she has some tremendous legs, but ultimately, her voice is… average at best, even in the already mediocre pop world. What about Tay Zonday, the guy who recorded he hilariously poorly-written and performed “Chocolate Rain”? That man has natural talent. Sure, the song was terrible, but his rich, deep voice is something practically unheard-of in modern music. Where’s his award? Oh, right, he’s a cis dude. Not to mention, he’s one of those evil may-mays like the racist frog.
This whole thing is stupid. The Grammy Awards has always been a sham. It’s basically just the RIAA handing out golden cows to its popular artists. More recently, they’ve been tossing aside participation trophies to slightly less-popular people, but ultimately, if you want to get “best album”, you’re going to need to fit their criteria.
Adele, nicely done symbolic virtue-signaling, but how about a little love for your countryfolk? Beyonce? Ehh, you’ve said your piece, and I think you can just take your nice legs and go back to your mansion. SJW virtue-signalling idiots? Shut the hell up. The people you speak for don’t get to have everything. We’re not living in a transitional period in which we need to start raising black women up to the level of white men. They’re already better socially. Now, if you wanna start working toward equality, how about that circumcision, mandatory commitment to the draft at 18, equal prison sentences and custody rights, recognition of being raped, and some kind of social programs to solve the homeless and suicide issues among men. Maybe then we can start actually bitching about who won the most Grammy Awards.